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The holidays are a season of stories. Each of them, written about our lives, unfolds with comedy and drama, action and adventure, and even the most unexpected endings. For caregivers, these holiday stories blend elements of several genres, written with feelings of anxiety, exhaustion, and frustration throughout. 

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. But for many caregivers, the physical, mental, and emotional demands of caring for a loved one can make it challenging to find joy and meaning during the season. The holidays mean extra tasks, less time, and added pressure to meet expectations, while managing additional stress. 

The whirlwind of holiday festivities often leaves many caregivers feeling resentful and let down. Experiencing these emotions as a caregiver for an aging family member does not mean you are selfish or thoughtless. It means you are human and responding normally to the stress of an immense responsibility.

This guide was created to provide insight for caregivers and families struggling to rediscover a sense of purpose, hope, and contentment this holiday season. Continue reading to learn more about recognizing and creating meaningful moments and lasting memories from the simple, shared experience of caregiving.

Accept Your Emotions

The holiday season often brings mixed emotions to families caring for aging loved ones. You might feel sadness and resignation, detachment and indifference, or a confusing blend of nostalgia and anticipation. Remember that no matter what emotions overwhelm you, they are valid, personal feelings that affirm your sense of responsibility and love. Your reactions to the holiday pandemonium around you are understandable reflections of your deep commitment to the person you care for and love.

Reset Your Expectations

Holiday stress comes mainly from the pressure of expectations. You might compare this season to past years or to the perfect pictures of other family gatherings you see online. When you start overthinking the holidays and comparing your experiences to others’, the false belief that you need to meet others’ expectations diminishes your ability to find meaning and joy in simpler things. You don’t need to repeat the large meal you once hosted for fifteen people, decorate every room, or send a handwritten card to everyone you know. Focus instead on the reality of your life now. Appreciate the tradition of baking cookies or watching a favorite Christmas movie with your loved one. Let go of the past and embrace the present!

Modify Impractical Traditions

You decide which traditions to keep. When a practice that once brought joy now drains your energy and makes you feel resentful, your well-being suffers. Explore ways to adapt unworkable traditions to your caregiving situation. A long holiday dinner can become a shorter, more intimate lunch. Hosting a large group can easily turn into a quiet visit with two or three family members. The goal is to restructure, not eliminate traditions, so they create meaning and comfort for you and your loved one.

Ground Yourself With Gratitude

Gratitude is the practice of appreciating small blessings appearing throughout your day that usually go unnoticed. Take a moment to fully immerse yourself in sharing smiles with your loved one. Notice how delightful it feels when the sun shines on your hands as you prepare your loved one’s lunch. Bask in the quiet of the house as your loved one rests peacefully. Take pride in yourself for having the opportunity to help ensure an older loved one enjoys a full and meaningful life. Consider the fact that each season of life brings different challenges, and be grateful for what you do have at the moment.

Organize Responsibilities to Reduce Exhaustion and Stress

Write down every holiday task, from scheduling doctor’s appointments to taking your loved one shopping to buying groceries for a special meal. Divide a large goal, like “decorating the house,” into specific actions, such as bringing down storage boxes from the attic one day and unpacking them the next day. Complete urgent needs first, like picking up prescriptions and other caregiving necessities, before stores close. Limit your daily list to two or three tasks to transform what typically makes you feel swamped and anxious into something organized and streamlined. Checking off completed items further helps give you the confidence and motivation you need to experience the joy of the holidays.

Seek Support Through Honest Conversations

A brief, honest conversation with someone you trust can revitalize your mood and revamp your perspective of the holidays. Ask a friend to lend you a shoulder for five minutes, or ask a neighbor to pick up some milk for you when your loved one is having a difficult day. Each time you ask for help, you actively engage your support network by letting others know you need an occasional respite from your responsibilities. It might surprise you that a simple request like “Could you sit with Mom for twenty minutes on Tuesday?” can lead to a conversation about how your friend or family member would be happy to help whenever you need it.

Celebrate the Holidays on Your Own Terms

When stress builds, pause and focus on something tangible, like the warmth of coffee in your hands or the feel of your feet on the floor. Much of our anxiety stems from battling circumstances beyond our control or expecting perfection from an imperfect situation. You’re one person doing your best, not a miracle worker who can bend reality to your will. Understand that you can deeply love someone while simultaneously resenting the relentless demands of their care. These opposing emotions don’t cancel each other out or reveal some moral failing on your part. They simply reflect the complicated truth of caregiving, especially during the holidays.

The holidays can strip away the comfortable illusion that finding joy and meaning requires things to go well. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling inadequate when things don’t go well or holiday advertisements trigger resentment and guilt. Instead, realize that cooking your loved one’s favorite food matters even if they can’t finish it. Decorating matters, even if they don’t notice. You’re not doing these things to get something in return. You’re doing them because they give you satisfaction and purpose year-round.

When a loved one needs more support than you can provide, turn to a trusted senior care expert for help. At The Landings of Canton Hills, our caring team has partnered with hundreds of families just like yours who share the same feelings of exhaustion, distress, and anxiety. Let us care for your loved one’s needs while you focus on nurturing your relationship as a spouse, son or daughter, sibling, or friend.Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you and your loved one this holiday season—or whenever you need us. Follow our blog for more caregiver resources, and explore our respite care, assisted living, and memory care options that provide relief and peace of mind for so many families.